Classic 2012 - the full story

Once upon a time (well, ok, yesterday) in the grounds of a beautiful castle...

... a travelling musician in the finest cloth...

... gathered in front of a crowd of excited little children in the early morning fog and played his heart out on his melodeon.  The little children jumped up and down to the music.  And they called him The Melodeon Master...

... two beautiful (?) princesses dressed themselves up in their finest clothes to celebrate the brunette princess's birthday.

They took all the drugs they needed to (cold remedies, sore throat remedies, Lucozade, caffeine, extra sugar and bacon butties), loaded their picnic bag with all manner of goodies (tissues, lozenges, jelly babies and some surprises), and then the blondish princess found a nice comfy floor to stretch her poorly knee.

The little princesses lined up with all the other serfs...

... and set off on their Great Adventure into the woodland.

Oh, it was sooooo slippery!  They slipped, they slided, they slithered and they got overtaken by almost everyone else in the kingdom.  This was partly because the brunette princess had a serious case of the snots and was breathing like Darth Vader, and partly because the blondish princess had a wonky knee.

They fell into deep water, they fought their way through marshy boggy bits and they slid on their princessy bottoms down slidey muddy bits (and, yes, they do have bruises on their princessy bottoms thank you for asking).

After they had been Not Really Running for a Very Long Time they arrived at the top of the kingdom where they found the Fountain Of Youth (water station to you and me, mate).  The blondish princess then asked the brunette princess to delve into her backpack where she found a surprise - the very bestest birthday fizzy wine!  And Ye Olde Birthday Energy Bar!  Yay!  The princesses supped until they were, well, a bit giggly, and then they skipped happily off down the hill and across the green valley.  And then...

BANG!!!

The blondish princess's knee went BANG!  She whimpered a bit and limped a bit and the two little princesses had to walk up the hills and down the hills and up the hills and down the hills as it was a long, long way to get back to the castle...

When they came to a long downhill and could see the castle on yonder hill, the limping blondish princess tried her two hundred and ninety fifth different way of limping (think Kevin Spacey as Keyser Soze in The Usual Suspects) and suddenly, without any warning, CLICK!!!  and the limp was gone!  Hooray!  The little princesses clapped their hands, the brunette princess prepared to wheeze a bit more, and they ran all the way back to the castle...

As the princesses had completed three of these very arduous challenges, they were awarded the highest honour the kingdom could bestow - that of Mud Master.  They dressed in their best towels to keep warm and wore their new hooded robes with enormous pride.  Yes, they did look like grannies.

And as they had been so clever in completing all three of their challenges (the blondish princess would like to point out, at this stage, that in fact she's now done six of these challenges including twice at The Full Dirty Weekend and is now a Mud Master Grade 2 thank you) the kind ladies of the kingdom who handed out the valuable hooded robes suggested that they might be interested in the Mud Running World Championships.

And the little princesses are considering attending the championships which are to be held in the realm of Cornwall.

And they will be marshals...