Mud Run - but did I finish?

Ice Cream Sian pulled out last night - completely understandable as she's been feeling rotten since the Cardiff Half Marathon 2 weeks ago, so it was just Fit Mark, me, Guy and Rubbish Running Dog who piled into the car to Usk.

Fit Mark is Organised. He had a complete change of clothes, an old car mat to stand on whilst changing (genius or what?) and a waterproof bag to put all the muddy stuff in. I had bin liners and towels and a spare track suit to chuck on over the muddy stuff for the way home. The cough wasn't so bad overnight, so I thought I was good to start.

As soon as we arrived there was mud. I opened the car door to get out and thought 'eugh, mud' which perhaps didn't bode terribly well for what was to come... Fit Mark and I went off to register (that bloke is FAST - I could hardly keep up with his walk) and got our timing chips and numbers. Most people were entered for the 10k, not many of us in the 5k.

Before the start we were given warm up drills by a Sergeant Major type (this was the British Military Fitness Mud Run, after all) and then the 10k set off. So the 5k mob were given another 15 minutes of warm up, after which I was well and truly knackered...

And then we were off! But not before seeing Mark almost leading the field in the 10k race. My lot went off staggeringly quickly and very soon I was all but last – just one couple behind me, but they were talking and saying that they were ‘just doing it for fun and not for a good time’. I was going as quick as I could…

We had to run to the end of a HUGE field (it's an airfield, that's how HUGE it is), and then back again, up a narrow path (where luckily everyone in front of me started walking and it was way too narrow to get past, so I could walk too) and then down a field of corn on the cob stubble. I passed someone! She did, however, have an enormous backside and was probably giving me a good 5 stone…

Very soon we were going up the stubble field, then back down again, and towards some enormous hay bales covered in tarpaulin that we had to haul ourselves over. As we got close I thought they looked pretty much the same height as the bar Jo and I nearly vaulted at the ceilidh, so I held back to get a good run up. And was promptly passed by the person behind me, so then I had to wait again…. I did sort of vault the bales, then we had to go under a cargo net in really deep mud. The woman behind me (pink top) had struggled over the bales, so I held the cargo net for her. She followed me under, dropped the net on my head and then sprinted off. Pah! But, oh boy – the MUD! That would have been a good photo… I stopped to wipe my hands a bit on some long grass and then, oddly, I had to pass Fat Arse again. How did that happen? I know only two went past me – she must have missed out the obstacles! Pah. Again.

As we went up the next hill (me sort of walking, sort of running) Fit Mark appeared on a section of his much longer 10k run and yelled something like ‘Hi Sarah how’s it going?’ I think I said ‘Ug’ but he was long gone…

There were some more up hills and down hills and I was beginning to struggle – my throat was so dry as I as breathing completely through my mouth. I had tried to blow my nose, but my tissues were muddy… And, wouldn’t you know it – I had to pass Fat Arse AGAIN! No way did she go past me… There was a drinking station at 3k and I really did think of finding a marshall and telling them I was bailing out. I had three cups of water, gargling with each one, and began to feel a bit more human. Over the marshall’s radio I heard ‘yeah, she didn’t tell me she was sick and now she’s spewing green gunge and I’m really worried’. I decided I wasn’t ill at all, and set off again.

This time we were into woods, and there was the sound of Great Excitement up ahead. It was slippy, slopey and full of trippable roots – one chap behind me went a right purler when he fell over a root. He did apologise for the language afterwards… As we got to the end of the wood section (some lovely mushrooms in there too) there was a seriously muddy bit – Fit Mark had said ‘tie your trainers tight and point your feet’. Fab advice – I whizzed through the mud. Then there was a huge tarpaulin on the ground with a marshall chucking water and soap on it in equal measure.

This is Fit Mark showing how it should be done - he's the slidey one on the left:

The sign said ‘DIVE! DIVE! DIVE! So I did. I felt every lump and bump under the (thin) tarpaulin but slid spectacularly the full length of the tarpaulin.

I was just lying nicely on the grass as the other side thinking how comfortable fields could be when a large bloke landed on top of me, much to the amusement of the surrounding spectators. We agreed it was a hell of a way to meet someone…

Then there was a cargo net – as he’d basically landed on me I thought I’d make use of him, so went through the net with my head pretty much on his backside. Yes, it was perhaps a little 'forward' of me but, hey, it’s 4k in, I’m wet, muddy and knackered, at this point I don’t care who he is or where he’s been.

I spotted Guy after the cargo net, so stopped for a photo opportunity. As you do when your finishing time is all important...

From there it was a run up the airfield and back again. To the FINISH. Yay! Except that Fat Arse was right behind me. Again. And there was no way she was passing me, so I will have her to thank for my time being faster than it would otherwise have been…

At the end (isn’t END such a lovely word?) we were given a goodie bag containing water, snack, bumph, a medal and a T shirt. I am most chuffed that I am given a ‘small’ T shirt….

Fit Mark (who finished way before me despite doing twice the distance) and I pose for a photo. I am muckier.

So I did do it. I finished. No idea where or in what time. We started at 10.15 and at 11.50 we were back in the car, having changed. So something under ‘over an hour’ then.

I'm a survivor. And I have a T shirt to prove it...