Got-a-Sec?

So how on earth did I get into this? It all started with my expanding backside... I tried eating less (difficult) and swimming more (there's only so much swimming one can do) and then remembered mum had an unused exercise bike sitting in her attic. Perfect! Guy and I agreed to get it out of the attic together, but then I had a day when I was passing, mum was away, it seemed sensible to go and get it... and I got it stuck coming through the attic hatch. I was below it, it was stuck, what to do? So naturally I climbed up the attic ladder, OVER the bike (on the ladder) and tried pulling from above. Nope - it was jammed tight. So now I'm in the attic with a bike in the way, mum's away, Guy doesn't know I'm there and I've left my phone on the landing beyond the bike and the ladder.... shouting VERY LOUDLY seemed like a good option, although I doubt if anyone would have heard, so I used sheer brute force and eventually moved the thing enough to be able to climb down over it again and wiggle it from underneath. Once I'd dragged the thing home all I had to do was pedal on it...